Read it with your heart and feel what am i going thru now.
Please understand me deeply
Have you ever been hurt so deeply but your determination and soul still wants you to go on ?
Have you ever stared at your balcony window looking outside in the exact same position for 3 hours ?
Have ever tears roll down your cheek without you making any weeping sounds ?
Has anyone came to persuade you stop hurting yourself , but how much did all these words went in your brain ?
I told myself to be strong and stand up myself whenever i fall down.
I told myself to be the bright and happy one.
But who am i now ?
I can't say what's happening.
I choose to keep mum and only my closest friends knows what's happening.
They know what i will do next
And if they know me well , you will know what am i doing right now.
I've officially moved out to my new service apartment last week.
The only thing i wanna say is.
I just simply felt in love with my beautiful scenery which has taken me to wonderland.
I've been emo-ing for many many days.
I though moving out staying by myself would be a new exciting life.
Never did i knew that it was my worst nightmare.
It was really my worst nightmare ever.
And this feeling really hurts badly like sharp knives cutting thru my heart.
I don't want any negative feedbacks and i don't want to hear anything sarcastic from anyone.
I know what am i doing and nobody can stop me.
You can say that i'm stupid, foolish and naive.
Say whatever you want because i don't give a damn to all of it.
Thanks to all the people who care for me.
But i really just want some time by myself.
I pray hard and hope the worst days of my life would end asap.
I need my sunshine back.
He is so special and important even myself can't explain why
He's not the most handsome to everyone.
He's also not the person who can buy everything i want on the spot without hesitation.
We seldom have our own private outing.
And he really will seldom suggest to bring me out for a date for just the two of us.
No one is perfect i can say.
Really no one is 100% perfect.
He gave me many promises but seldom keep to it.
I quarreled with him for thousands of time but normally he will just ignore me or just fight back unreasonably or either end the argument with his very own special method.
I'm complaining how bad is him inside my own blog.
But how i really feel deep down.
How many people actually know how i feel right now.
How much we went thru together
Only me and him knows well
Why am i struggling and insists waiting for him
Only true hearts will tell you why
Many told me to stop doing this to myself
Many people feel heart broken for me
Many people told me to give up
But i still believe in myself
I'm still clear in mind
I'm sorry to those who loved me and pampered me
I'm sorry that i can't make myself stand strong on my own
I broke my promise to you all too
Friends look at me shaking their heads and some has turn their back on me
I'm sorry to let everyone down
This will be the very last time
Please let me give it the one last try
I need you all giving me support behind
If i failed again, please come and give me a hand to help me stand up once again
I'm a fighter but also a full hearted lover.
I always make myself fall into a deep coma when it comes to relationship.
I gave up many things and many opportunities which is so so hard to get.
I had a dream.
This dream suppose to be beautiful and full with colors.
Like what i always do, boyfriends are always my first priority.
My daddy say i have a PAKTOLOGY mind.
I contribute almost everything without thinking.
My naive and foolish dreams of prince and princesses in their happy valleys.
I love my boyfriend and all effort i put inside is truly from the bottom of my heart.
Really all from my heart.
I just need you badly now.
How much we went thru together.
How much memories we had for the past few years.
Please
I need you so so much now.
.
